Being: MOM!

I love being a mom. But to be honest, it's really hard work! (and I know as my mom reads this, she's saying: Well...ya! Now you know what I've gone through with you kids). I know, I know! Thanks mom!

Being a mom, isn't just BEING there.

 You have to completely interact. 

You have to plan everything in advance. 

Being a mom, everything takes twice as long. 

Going on vacation, isn't always vacation. 

Going out to dinner or even the grocery store isn't ever "quick".

A mom's calendar is NEVER "open". 

Free time...forget it! (unless you scheduled about 2 months in advance)

We are constantly making appointments.

Going to appointments, and I'm not talking pedicures here....

 Getting the call: "you're baby is sick and needs to be picked up".

Now, let's put SINGLE mom in front of all this!

Is it really that different?

A mom, whether single of not....does all the above!

Ain't gonna lie. She does.

But, when that single mommy wants that pedicure, 

who's there to watch the baby?

No one.

Going to the grocery store by myself?

Unheard of.

Come home from work and plop on the couch?

Yeah right! "Mama, I hungry".


It's allll me.

After baby goes to bed at night.

SOLO!

Everyone always says, you are never really alone when you have a kid...

Truth is:

I am.

Sometimes it's really nice.

Sometimes I feel like a loser.

Sometimes I enjoy relaxing.

Sometimes I cry.
Sometimes I long for those Sunday evening cuddles on the couch.
Sometimes I shut my eyes and wonder what went wrong.

...Friends...Adult Interaction...Hellooooo...


Sometimes I forget what that's like.

BUT, then I look into those glossy little brown eyes of my baby girl and realize that being a mom is really great too!

I get to do things I haven't done since I was young.
Have fun at Chuck-E-Cheese again.
Watch Disney movies.
Easter egg hunts, trick-or-treating, and fireworks!
Christmas is fun and exciting again, and it really is true:
Giving is better than receiving!
The joy on her face Christmas morning tearing into presents, almost brought me to tears. 
Did I mention there is always candy in the house? There is! =)
Go to the zoo or on a picnic.




And the real truth is-I'm happy with her. And if it's just me and her forever...I'm ok with that because we have love for one another that I could never describe. That I could never replace. We don't "work" at being happy...we just are. It takes no convincing... I love being able to take care of her. She makes me feel like I belong, like I was put on Earth to take care of her. She's a mini-me... and I think I can handle that!

Oh Tenlee...you're going to be 4 in just a few days!
(May you stay....forever young)


Mommy loves you!

Boy vs. Man

Boys play house. Men build homes!!!

Boys shack up. Men get married!!! 

Boys make babies. Men raise children!!! 

A boy won't raise his own children. A man will raise his and someone else's. 

Boys invent excuses for failure. Men produce strategies for success!!! 

Boys look for somebody to take care of them. Men look for someone to take 

care of!!! 

Boys seek popularity. Men earn respect by knowing how to give it!!! 

Boys quit and walk away when things get hard. 

Men will promise to love you through it all.

I need a MAN!

Runnin' outta ground...

Someone once told me that you have to choose

What you win or lose, you can't have everything 
Don't you take chances, you might feel the pain 
Don't you love in vain 'cause love won't set you free 
I could stand by the side and watch this life pass me by 
So unhappy, but safe as could be


So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground?

I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
'Cause I'm just trying to be happy,
Just wanna be happy

Holding on tightly, just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role, slowly disappear,
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names, get me out of here
But I can't stand by your side, oh no
And watch this life pass me by, pass me by

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground?

I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
'Cause I'm just trying to be happy

So any turns that I can't see
Like I'm a stranger on this road
But don't say victim, don't say anything

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground?

I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound 
Don't care about all the pain in front of me


I just wanna be happy

*leona lewis-happy*

Chin up, chicky!

I thought the way the world worked was that-

you couldn't miss something, you never really had.

But I do. 

I'm sad.

*Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game*

(think about it)

Type: Taryn!

*TARYN*

I'm the type of girl that talks a lot.

I like to sing.

I like to dance.

I like to have a good time.


I'm the type of girls the loves to flirt.
But I'm not a S---.
I'm a lover.
Not a hater.

I'm the type of girl that you can always come to for advice.

You can always talk to me.

I will always listen.

But not at the bar...I'm there to have a good time-call me on Tuesday.

I'm the type of girl that won't lie.

It's not worth it. So don't hurt me.

You mess with the bull, 

You get the horns. Rawr!

I'm the type of girl that you WON'T find at the mall-ever!

On Sunday's...I watch football!

Am I watching the Bachelorette? 

Hell NO-the Brewer's are on!


I'm the type of girl you can find in the kitchen.
Not just eating....but I love to cook.
And bake.
I love chocolate.

I'm the type of girl that could eat ICE CREAM for every meal.

Really....it's true!

I don't run.

Everything moves but my legs. But I try.

I'm the type of girl that doesn't take no for an answer.

I'm opinionated...

I say what I want.

I sometimes speak before I think. (but I still think I'm right)

I'm the type of girl that likes a clean house.

I'm pretty organized.

I'm very particular.

Don't try to change that.

I'm the type of girl that doesn't need to shower everyday.

I don't need to wear makeup, but I do.

Brand names aren't important.

Put me in shorts and a sweatshirt and I'm a happy camper.

I'm the type of girl that is sometimes strange.

Call me crazy but, I love Q-tips.

I hate Nacho/Slimy/Processed/Fake cheese. (oh god, I just gagged)

Chickens and Butterflies scare me.

I'm the type of girl that is sometimes inappropriate.

And I love every minute of it.

It makes me laugh.

And it makes you laugh too! (promise)

I'm the type of girl that works hard for what I have.

I don't expect favors.

Nothing is free.

Work...really isn't for me!

I'm the type of girl that has the MOST love.

I'm not perfect-but I'm fun.

My friends and family are my world.

But I'm just ME!

How can you argue with that?

#RealDeal!

Oprah Nails It!

Although I don't watch Oprah on a regular basis, I have caught the show from time to time. Heck, I didn't even watch her last one (I heard it was good).  I found this and I knew I needed to share these words of wisdom with you!

On our real ‘job’ in life:

"What I knew for sure from this experience with you is that we are all called. Everybody has a calling, and your real job in life is to figure out what that is and get about the business of doing it. Every time we have seen a person on this stage who is a success in their life, they spoke of the job, and they spoke of the juice that they receive from doing what they knew they were meant to be doing. We saw it in the volunteers who rocked abandoned babies in Atlanta. We saw it with those lovely pie ladies from Cape Cod making those delicious potpies. … We saw it every time Tina Turner, Celine, Bocelli or Lady Gaga lit up the stage with their passion. Because that is what a calling is. It lights you up and it lets you know that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be, doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. And that is what I want for all of you and hope that you will take from this show. To live from the heart of yourself. You have to make a living; I understand that. But you also have to know what sparks the light in you so that you, in your own way, can illuminate the world." ~Oprah

A universal desire:

"I’ve talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation. If I could reach through this television and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?’ ~Oprah

You can read the full transcript and watch a video clip on the Oprah website.


:) GO FOR IT! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE? (:

These quotes really speak to me, like she's mothering me...they are so powerful. I want to be SOMEBODY! I'm not going to let anything or anyone get in the way of that. I'm going to be ME. Do what makes me 'sparkle'. I might not be the best singer...or dancer-but anyone that knows me, knows I can go to town and I LOVE it! That's the ME I want everyone to know. I want to be that happy all the time. Crazy. Fun. Outgoing. I'm not shy-I don't want to be. I always have something to say and I can always make you laugh. BUT. Sometimes I lose myself. Sometimes the world seems wrong. Sometimes life is too hard. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing-but then I remember I have my true friends to make me shine again! A daughter that lights up a room no matter where she goes. You can see her karaoke here. And a family that is supporting me in everything I do and dream of. I will be that somebody....someday!

"Sometimes I feel like Jesse James, still trying to make a name-knowing nothings going to change what I am"

In the past few months I have learned a lot about myself. There has been many changes in my life. I think I'm finally starting to figure out what's really important in life, it's like I'm growing up...but don't worry, ya'll-I'm still having plenty of fun! I think all these changes are for the better. However, I still feel like I do a lot of GIVING....just to get nothing back! 

More to come on that later....

Have a great Memorial Day weekend!!

Off My Chest

Life is nothing but a waiting game....

In my 25 years (almost 26) I have had happy times and I've had my share of sad times, times I've struggled and times I've gone above and beyond! But I find myself coming back to the same question: Who am I? What makes me happy? Am I happy? I know what you all are thinking...you have a beautiful daughter, yes I do. I'm well aware, but that doesn't mean everything is perfect. It's far from in my opinion. I am constantly wanting and needing more. Never satisfied.

My day-to-day thought consuming list of what I want to accomplish. Sometimes I get nothing done all day because I'm too busy brainstorming another plan, another life!

a career in Photography, my own studio and clients

a boyfriend, a husband (well, husband is a strong word-I'm not sure that's exactly what I need), a family

to lose 20 pounds

a home

a puppy

a solid group of girlfriends

Sure, the list isn't very long. But it's REALLY important to me.

These things aren't unrealistic, but everyday that goes by is another day without these things in my life. I'm going to work, I'm going to school to try to better my life...it's truly taking a toll on me; I'm stressed. Without the help of my family, I wouldn't be able to do the things I do. But I feel as though I continue to get nowhere. I try and tell myself that all my hard work will pay off in the end....well, when is that? I've been saying that for how long? It makes me sick. 

School: School has been great, but this semester I find myself with a lot of wasted time. I haven't been as productive as I feel I should be. Partially my fault, but not all. I haven't applies myself as much as I did last semester and that's frustrating. Only 3.5 weeks left!

Love: All I know is that just when I meet someone and see 'something' in them that I like, I get ahead of myself. And when my phone vibrates off my desk at work and I look down, it's always someone other than who I was hoping it would be. I am consumed by thoughts of the future...why do I do this to myself. However, this doesn't happen very frequently. Ever since Tenlee came into my life-the "dating scene" has completely changed for me. My standards are really high, and I'm very picky....I didn't realize this until I was told by some all of my closest friends. But oh well, I guess I'd rather be single than end up with some ugly loser with no personality and sense of humor! I need a guy that 'gets' me, that can laugh with me (most likely AT me), flirt with me, cuddle with me....and yes, I have mommy duties, but that doesn't mean I can't go out and drop it like its hot!?! I love to have fun! Maybe I'm not the easiest person to read, but if you're willing to listen, I'm an open-book!

Weight: A constant struggle. Like a lot of people I know, we all want to lose weight. Whether it's 5 pounds or 50, it's never easy. A year ago....I lost 40 pounds, since then I've gained 10 of that back. Now...to get that off and keep going in the right direction, I'm just lacking the motivation and feeling unhappy makes me want to crawl in a hole by myself and eat! Umm, ice cream!

A house: to call my home! I'm so over the renting. I want a HOUSE. With a garage, with a basement, a playroom and an office, with a yard for Tenlee to play, with a PUPPY! We so need a puppy, Tenlee and I love dogs! I want to have a garden! Oh how much fun would that be! One day....

Girls: I've had best friends turn into nothing and I've had someone I wasn't expecting to like, become a best friend. Girls are so unpredictable. We are crazy....yes, yes we are! I confess. However we have good logic, I swear. I want a group of girls that I can rely on. That I can call up and we all meet for dinner or go to a concert, or shit-just out for drinks! I have such a wide variety of friends (that I love). Some are single mom's (like me), some are married, single, dating etc. I know the friends that I do have would do anything for me. But sometimes I feel left out because I have a daughter. I know I can't always drop everything at the last minute, but grandma's been GREAT at helping with that! (Tenlee doesn't mind either). Ohhh......I think I need a girls weekend!

In conclusion, I honestly just needed to get this off my chest. You can only update your facebook status so much, there is so much more for you to know. I know my problems seem small to some, but I'm faced with these dark clouds every day. I just wanna be ME!

Life=Waiting 

And I don't like to wait...

Live it!